GARY GOODYEAR'S SCIENCE & TECHNOLOGY JOURNAL
By Gary Goodyear/Minister of State for Science & Technology
Hello again to all my faithful Conservative friends in the research community.
I want to devote this edition of my journal to a question that's been troubling this canny ole chiropractor for some time now. Just who is smarter, anyway? Good God-fearing Conservatives, or all those Liberal atheists out there who want to corrupt the childen of Canada with the theory of evolution and all that claptrap?
Could it possibly be a coincidence that with a federal election campaign underway, some unscrupulous liberal weisenheimers are coming out with more research suggesting that liberals are more highly-evolved, inherently smarter and more open to complexity than those of us of a more - shall we say - right-wing bent?
Here's the latest story on that to come out, this time on ctv.ca: http://bit.ly/eu3RUL
And here's another example of similar research published by National Geographic several days
ago: http://bit.ly/bF3yWd
Interesting that according to these studies liberals' brains are structured to deal with complexity, while conservatives' grey matter seems more suited to processing fear.
Hmmm. You'd think you'd see this kinda hooey on some sorta CBC show like - what's it called, The Nature Of Thingamajig? Y'know the one with that enviro-terrorist named after a Japanese automobile -- that Suzuki guy?
But no, it's our good friends at CTV and those usually wonderful National Geographic folks. How in heck do you figure that? Why I remember as a kid I saw my first picture of naked breasts in a National Geographic. It was these candid photos of a tribe in New Guinea. Well, that was all the sex ed I ever needed. No need for it in the schools when you got National Geographic in the home. None of that dirty girly magazine stuff, just good wholesome educational fun.
But I digress. Let's look at MRI's of the two types of brains to see what the differences are.
First the liberal brain.
OK, so yeah, the liberal cerebral cortex has complex, well-defined folds. Even I can see the abundance of healthy neurons firing complicated, nuanced political calculations back and forth across the hemispheres of the brain.
You gotta admit the liberal brain is highly-evolved, sophisticated and well-designed for high levels of political analysis.
Indeed, this could be the brain of a Trudeau, an Ignatieff, perhaps even a Layton supporter.
It may even be that of a Green Party acolyte. But folks, do you see a single, god-fearing cell in there. Sure they're cunning and calculating and they got high-falutin' American and British educations like that Ignatieff son-of-a-you-know-what. But let me tell ya, they are just too smart for their own good, that's what I say.
Now for the conservative brain.
OK, so maybe we're not that smart. Maybe we don't have as much of the ole gray matter to work with. But land sakes alive, we're good people! We're church-goin', law-abidin'(except for Bruce Carson), Conservative Party of Canada-votin' people!
So look. I might not be the smartest chiropractor there ever was, but I'll tell ya one thing I AM smart enough to do. Soon as we win that majority next month - and yer darned-tootin' we will - I'm gonna de-fund these folks who are puttin' out this hogwash. So folks, you're on notice. We Conservatives are big on science and technology, as long as you can invent stuff to get that ole tar sands oil to market quicker. But if you want to fiddle-faddle around with all this evolution stuff, go to Ignatieff's alma mater down at Harvard for the funding, ok?
Until next month,
Happy researching
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