COMMUNIQUE FROM THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
Dear Muammar,
This is just a personal note to let you know that, in spite of what my critics say, I'm am very interested in what's going on in Libya right now. My critics may chide me for being far too preoccupied with the NCAA basketball tournament to keep my eye on you, but rest assured, Muammar, I can tear myself away from ESPN long enough to make sure the Libyan rebels are victorious, and you are deposed.
Wait a minute, maybe not deposed. I haven't entirely decided on that detail yet.
Probably won't get around to figuring that out until after North Carolina plays the Marquette Golden Eagles Friday night. I suggest you watch it if you can get it on satellite, Muammar. I figure the Tar Heels take it, but Marquette's plucky ... good Chicago-area school. (Well, Milwaukee, actually ... but it's all part of Chicagoland these days!)
Now, if you're still unsure of my ability to pick a winner, Muammar, I suggest you look at the state of my bracket heading into the Sweet Sixteen : http://stlouis.sbnation.com/2011/3/22/2065051/obama-bracket-update-sweet-sixteen
Yessiree, I have been criticized for being far too conservative in my March Madness deliberations - just as I have in dealing with the financial industry. But wouldn't you know it ... aside from the fact my southwest region prognostications were off the mark, my picks are still just about perfect!
Goddamned shame about Pitt being out of the tournament, though. But I mean, who woulda thought a bunch of nobodies like Butler woulda knocked them out? Would never have happened if that dumbass Gilbert Brown had made that second free-throw at the end there. But what happens? He rims it out! What an idiot! I mean, I had never even heard of Butler University 'til that game. Had you?
But that's neither here nor there, Muammar. Look at the rest of my Final Four choices: Ohio State, Duke and Kansas are still alive and kickin', bruthah!
Which is more than I can say for you, once we knock out all your air defences it'll be a slam dunk for the allies. I figure you should just throw in the towel now, before I hand the supervision of the allied no-fly zone over to NATO. (That should just about coincide with the Final Four, I think. Great, I'll have time to watch all the games!)
Actually, Muammar, that gives me an idea. Rather than forcing you from power, why don't you fly over to Washington? We'll put you up in the White House and I'll challenge you to some 1 on 1. I win, you step down. You win, I persuade the rebels to surrender peacefully.
Now, I figure after having ruled Libya with an iron fist for over 40 years, you've got some pretty high mileage on those legs of yours, so I'll spot you 10 points. First one to 21 wins.
By the way, wanna bet on Friday night's game? I got the Tar Heels by a bucket!
Regards,
Barack
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