HERITAGE CANADA
By happy coincidence, Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II has graced our fair city of Toronto on the same weekend as Pride Toronto puts on its world-famous Pride Parade, an annual celebration of Gay, Queer, Lesbian, Bi-Sexual, Transsexual and Transgendered culture in Canada's largest city and beyond. We are pleased to announce Her Majesty has graciously accepted our invitation to be Grand Marshal of this year's parade, even though the present government in Ottawa has seen fit to cut our federal funding. Just think! Finally, the real Queen herself leading the parade!
Now, please be aware there is a strict protocol to follow for anyone wishing to interact with the Queen in any way, shape or form. It is as follows:
Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II is Queen of Canada. By the Constitution Act, 1867, the executive government of and over Canada is declared to continue and be vested in The Queen. Parliament consists of The Queen, the Senate and the House of Commons.
Guidelines
Visits by The Queen, The Duke of Edinburgh and other members of the Royal Family are always special occasions, but individual engagements can range from the very formal to the informal. Members of the Royal Family wish any elements of protocol to be in tune with what is generally acceptable in Canadian society. The following guidelines are designed to help people feel comfortable and prepared; they are not rules to be applied inflexibly or prescriptively.
How to address
The Queen is called Your Majesty initially and Ma'am (rhymes with jam) as the conversation continues.
Curtsy/bow
It is up to those meeting The Queen, The Duke of Edinburgh and other members of the Royal Family to choose whether or not they wish to bow/curtsy or simply shake hands.
- Description of a bow/curtsy for those who choose to make it:
- Men: a neck bow - just a little more than a nod of the head;
- Women: the right foot is placed behind the left heel, and the knees bent slightly.
It is quite in order to shake hands if the opportunity presents itself and a member of the Royal Family offers to do so.
Touching
You may not touch the Royal person unless first invited to do so by the Queen.
Dancing
You may not dance with the Queen unless she first invites you to do so.
Kissing/Fondling
The Queen generally frowns on invitations to kissing and fondling but has indicated that due to the nature of the Pride Parade, she will make an exception this weekend. Protocol dictates that you must wait for her to invite you to kiss and fondle her before doing so. Touching of the Queen's breast must be gentle and not exceed 24 seconds in duration.
French Kissing
It is quite in order to insert your tongue in the Queen's mouth as long as she verbally invites you to do so. Lingual penetration of Her Majesty's oral cavity must be no deeper than two inches, and must be of no more duration than 15 seconds.
Intercourse/Frottage
Intercourse with Her Majesty is strictly forbidden, both vaginal and anal. This stricture even applies to His Royal Highness Prince Philip, The Duke of Edinburgh himself! Fisting is also a Royal no-no. However, the Queen will consent to nude hip-grinding and even manual grabbing of the Royal nether regions, if you ask politely. Please keep in mind, though, that Her Majesty does not take kindly to use of toys on her person.
We trust you'll see these guidelines are fair and reasonable, and we hope you'll enjoy your encounter with Her Royal Highness should she grant you the privilege.
Comments