2010: AN iPAD ODDITY

  It happened just moments after a cool dawn on the African savannah millions of years ago. 

  With the first glint of sunlight, the hominids who'd been hiding from the terrors of the night crept out of the sheltering rocks. Always at this time, their hunger drove away their fear just long enough for them to scuttle out onto the killing plains.

  Yes, it was perilous out there. Death was an all-too common companion on the savannah. But the ape-like creatures had no choice but to leave the safety of their caves. They had to forage for whatever scraps the fearsome predators had left behind in the dark, or starve. 

   Their leader, Moonwatcher, was always vigilant at these moments. Always on the lookout for any danger as his troop waddled down to the stream to drink. And as he scanned the primordial plains, looking for a stalking lion, a skulking hyena, or a marauding leopard, he suddenly saw it. He screeched an alarm, and his companions scampered to his aid, gibbering and howling, their hair standing on end all over their hirsute bodies.  

  What was this great shiny slab that stood thrumming and pulsating before them?  On one side, Moonwatcher saw a crude representation of some sort of fruit with a bite out of it. Ah, he thought, this is an Apple. I love Apples! Could this be a portent of plenty?

    But on the other side, there were many lights and images Moonwatcher and his troop did not understand. Pictures of strange hominids doing fantastic things they'd never dreamed of. These hominids were ugly, fat, and practically hairless, Moonwatcher observed, but this unfathomable object seemed to be making them very happy, indeed.

   Then, suddenly, they saw Him appear on the slab. A handsome, intelligent-looking ape who called himself Jobs. He hooted and gibbered at them in a strange but compelling language about all the things they could do with this new thing he called an iPad. See his speech here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cCevnzsHN20&feature=fvw

But his words were a mystery to them. They had certainly heard of killer apes, but never killer apps. And they wondered why he should want them to browse a web. Spiders were all you found on webs and they were dangerous. Moonwatcher listened and listened, and watched and watched, but the gibbering voice gave him a pain in his massive browridge. Try as the hairy old hominid might, he could not think of a use for the great slab.  

      Still, he had to admit it was an attractive slab. Very well designed. And relatively inexpensive. When Moonwatcher finally got up the courage to touch it, its smooth, shiny surface transfixed him.  I must have this thing, he thought.  I may not know what to do with it now, but I will think of something.

Yes, he would think of something. At a retail price of $599 per unit for the 32GB model, Jobs would make sure of that.

   

Comments

[John Keating]

A very funny post. I expected the creatures to make Jobs their god, much as Apple fans do today. Evolution? There's an app for that.
JK